Things are not happening to you. Things are happening because of you.

Russian teaching systems makes me go AAAARGH!!! Generally there is a lot of requirements - certain type of education, certification, medical exams, you need to write education programs, organize events... ah, there is so much, even starting this list is giving me a slight headache already.

Anyway, because requirements are very strict and salary is very low, there are not too many candidates for the job. They try to raise the salary for teachers, but it's not a big raise. Besides, teachers are usually kind and nice and often conservative people who agree that all requirements are very important and "if I must, I must!" which I guess is the reason the system is not changing.

I teach dance styles that are not really taught in educational institutions. My dance style is a mix of hip-hop, modern jazz, bellydance, flamenco, samba, tap and maybe something else... It is hard to write out a program which is supposed to list all class plans for at least two years! I improvise! I create my classes on the go. If I start planning them, it will break for free flow. The only reason I teach there is because of the big dance studio, even though it lacks mirrors, and because the director allowed me to charge my adult students as much as I wish to charge them, they just pay me cash for classes and that is my actual salary.

It started out very nicely, but then the situation got tight. They seem to want to much. They want obedience and conformance... Creativity can't be obedient! It's an oxymoron! I think I'd rather pay rent and not have to be subordinate to anyone... It's getting hard to breathe there...

Last weekend I had a conversation with a break-dance teacher. He has a really wonderful crew, they go to national competitions and battles and have a good standing there, he said that it is only the first year that I get the financial freedom, then they start to tighten it up even more and said I need to learn to be very defensive with them if I want to protect my dance style and my "actual salary" from their intervention. The system is so rigid and inflexible, it is one of the reasons why many new dance styles could not develop in Russia, all we have is ballet and folk dance at good levels, but all the other new dance styles came from US and Europe.

So I think I want to quit.... I mean, I've been dreaming of my own dance studio for years, haven't I. And that must mean that until I reach my dream, I won't really be satisfied in other work places. So why am I wasting time? My soul won't rest until I reach my goal, might as well get started. The best way to start on a new job is to quit the old one, because then you don't have a choice, right? :)

I still need to find a temporary dance class, because I have about 20 adult girls and 50 kids who enjoy my classes and would get very upset if I suddenly stop teaching. Need to think about it.

My mom came home finally. She went to visit grandma and stayed there for over a month, since grandma was not doing very well... The original version was she had had a stroke, but then the tests showed a lung cancer at a very late stage and already spread to brain... Nobody knows for how long she's had it.

The weird thing is that in my father's family, my great-grandpa was a smoker and lived a long life without any serious health problems. Here, my grandma never smoked, didn't even drink really except on holidays, lived on a farm, worked in a garden, fresh air, home-grown fruits and vegetables, and she gets lung cancer! Go figure...

Personally I'm not very worried about grandma, I've never been very close with her, she has my aunt to take care for her, and she does not really realize that she's sick, and I think it's a good thing... What bothers me is how my mom is going to take it. The way I see it, she needs to learn to let go. I've read that cancer is a result of past anger that you let stay, rather than working it out, it slowly poisons you life. My mom has similar issues concerning my dad, it's been almost 10 years since they separated, but they still haven't divorced, she can't forgive him, he lives on feeling guilty... Will it ever end?

I have my issues that I can't let go as well. And I start to seriously wonder how I'm supposed to do it. Generally I have figured my life out, and it's like I hold on to the past problems because I'm afraid to finally REALLY figure it out... But I guess one still needs to just learn to let go for good, or you never know what health problems it can bring to you even if you lead the healthiest life style.

I did some very minor advertising throughout school and I have SO MANY new students, phone calls keep coming, I can't even answer all the phone calls (I am my own receptionist), yesterday the dance hall was crowded. It's like I made a wish for my dance studio to be a nicely popular place that people know about, and now I'm in the be-careful-what-you-wish-for area... But my classes ARE for everybody, and I don't intend to raise the price or come up with an entrance exam... I'll rely on natural selection. Those who are meant to be dancers will stay, the curious seekers will probably leave within a month.

In the meanwhile I did a small promotional video for my studio. It's in Russian, listing the name and the dance styles. Here it is. Let's see if it works.

Sometimes I wonder what was the whole deal with Moscow, why I went there if I never intended to stay... I thought it was about the Moscow Boy, but now I realize he had nothing to do with it, he was just another reason pushing me to make a big move... Dance? Um, not really, just another reason, making my move rational and explainable to everybody and myself... Searching for change, or challenge, running away, self-abuse even... What for? Still remains a question without an answer to me. But either way it had brought me to where I am now, that's for sure.

I've been going to a very interesting counselor. It started out with marriage problems, one tiny step away from divorce... She showed me a new way of looking at things. I thought I was a victim and had all these troubles hitting me, but she made me see it as a bunch of events I initiated and caused to happen, I guess I was mad a myself, sabotaged my own marriage, my life, my love... Running away, constantly searching for something, totally unable to see that it's all in front of me, I just refuse to notice it. And ever since then life was pretty magical, except for some bad habits kept from the past.

Anyway, I still go to that counselor, because she would give me absolutely extraordinary advice, and it would amazingly work. For example I've had this weird seasonal allergy, not sure what I was allergic to, but it was making me miserable for a month. So I signed up for an appointment. She goes: start writing. Every morning you need to write at least three pages, in complete sentences, everything that comes to your mind, just put it all down, and don't be surprised if it starts to come out in rhymes.

Believe it or not, the allergy symptoms disappear completely after I finish the second page and if I give up on writing for a week, the allergy comes back. Works better than any pills!

She also wondered if I had picked up this allergy from a close friend of mine. I've NEVER had such allergies before, but my friend Sonya gets them every spring, and my symptoms are exactly the same as hers, so it's like my body observed it and adopted. Anyway, that's how I found out the strange and weird way things can go.

And one more thing I've learned is completely opposite of what everyone has been telling me all my life. It is to never make an effort. If you need to make an effort, then something's out of order, maybe you're not going the right way. It's like if you have a problem with math, then maybe you're just not supposed to be a math person in this life, so the problems tell you to think if you are doing the right thing. Living should be effortless, it should come natural. It does not change the way you do things, but it changes the way you feel about them.

For example I'm really bad at performing the housewife duties. I forgo cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, doing dishes, etc. I was always surprised with how my husband takes care of these things - I even felt guilty about having him do everything about the house, although he said it was OK. The guilt made me even worse, I'd force myself to cook, clean... fight with myself, grope about the guilt, get lazy, which leads to more guilt. BUT when I'm in a nice playful mood, I cook wonderfully - my husband gets his first and second course AND dessert for lunch, I'd set the clothes to wash and then be like: did I really do it? I can't even remember myself sorting out the pile of dirty clothes, yet everything is in perfect order! That's how you catch that wave, and everything comes out effortlessly, you don't even spend too much time doing it... I guess that's how successful people get so much done, even though they get just as many hours a day as anyone else.

So time management is not a solution, I think. When you are doing the right thing, time is your servant.

Well, I have started ordering stuff for costumes for my show. I've been thinking about a name, I had one in my head and thought it was set and done, I wanted to name it Sonata, but my friends said it's too classical for a topless show. Then I thought something along the lines of Showgirls, Dreamgirls, Goldengirls... Then I switched to food names. Vanilla, Caramel, Chocolate... When you think about it for too long, there comes a wave of useless names, and you just can't help it, stuff like Salmon Dance...

I want to focus the show on the girls, so I wish I had a name which can also be used like a nickname for the girls. Like in Coyote Ugly they called the girls Coyotes.

Did some calculations, I'm gonna need about 15,000 bucks to get the show started. We'll sell one car for about 10,000 and the rest of the money will somehow appear on the way.

Another question is how to phrase the ad to attract the girls for the show. Yesterday I had a meeting for my dance students and I have made an announcement that if they know anyone who wishes to dance topless in a new show I'm making, and instantly every single one of them blushed, started giggling... Man, why does it have to be a sensitive subject! It's just a dance project, it's not about stripping even, it's about creating a certain visual experience, it's as much a performance art as any Swan Lake performance! Dancing in stilettos is just a tiny bit easier than dancing in pointe shoes!

AND I need to get a kids group, the center where I teach my dance classes has a requirement that I get a children's group, it's because it is on state budget and budgeting is provided for children's classes.

So I have a new dream. I want to make my own show. I really really really want my own show. I've been sort of empty for the last couple of years due to lack of dreams or goals. I have achieved everything I had wanted. I was teaching dance classes, happily married to the man I loved, solved all relationship problems, no longer tried to run away from my self, found wonderful friends, I mean I have everything. Except for baby. But I'm just not ready for a baby, all the other baby-related problems (such as husband's commitment phobia) have been solved. I simply didn't know where to go... I had no goals left on my to do list.

Well, I guess it was just a break to rest, because now I'm ready to start something new. I'm gonna make my own dance show. It's gonna be different from what I've been doing before. I've decided to go out of my "every body can dance" standard and actually let myself be biased and hire four tall girls with nice boobs. Yes, I'm sure about that, even though I make myself feel weird by stating that, I'm really against that sort of "natural selection" but this time it's important, because I want to make it an eye-candy show, the kind where it's enough for the girls to simply get up on stage and everyone will go "WOW!"

In fact, the humanitarian part is that I'm not looking for ready-made models, I need girls with an attitude and expression, emotional and lively, teach them to carry themselves like queens, how to walk like a queen and dance like a queen, how to take care of their bodies, pay for skin care and tanning (fake or real tan, let them chose), make beautiful costumes, teach them to go crazy on stage and dance their soul out...

Oh I wish I had four more YuliaGs, that would make a perfect show :))))
Just kidding

I already have a ton of ideas for music, staging, costumes... I'm nervous and excited, haven't found my four queens yet, maybe I should do an ad. Oh that's all I can think of lately...

The puppy went to obedience school yesterday. Dima is the designated puppy owner, so he's supposed to be training with him, but I was curious to come along. Of course we took Happy in her pink Juicy Couture bag and I grabbed a book, mostly so I wouldn't create an impression of somebody just sitting there staring, it was like I'm just bringing my book and my baby doggy so I can sit on a bench in the park and read while the rest of my family is attending the obedience class.

Yeah, I did feel a little out of league among German Shepard owners, although there was one black Labrador pup and one Fox Terrier. Our Lucky is a mix-breed, a street dog, but he fit in rather well. In fact he behaved so well, he made me proud. Some older dogs there were quite unruly.

In general, it was just... different. Some new experience, being among big dog owners, listening to the dog trainer. Funny guy who pretends to be a dog, to demonstrate how a dog should behave, speaks in funny voices, because it attracts the dog's attention, uses German language to talk to the dogs (because they are German Shepards, they understand German???) and the same time stressing the importance of staying focused and serious during the class. His words: "we laugh and have fun at home, were are here to work!"... That coming from the guy who speaks German to German Shepards... And he does train professional police/military dogs.

I've heard he's a real fan of his job. He invents training assignments in forests, runs obedience competitions, distributes hard-to-find periodicals and books on dog training, and dogs seem to understand him no matter what language he speaks... Although I guess German Shepards understand German better.

Maybe we should try to speak some street language to our dog, since he's from the streets. Something like "yo, sit down bro!" Gosh, Happy is Chinese Crested, and I don't know a single word in Chinese!

We really wanted a new car, because Dima's old Toyota Caldina is actually a pretty pathetic sort of car. Well, it's not really pathetic, but I do seriously believe that my husband deserves a much better car than that... So we were looking for a Land Cruiser or something of that sort. They cost over 40 000 and with our rent expenses plus planning mortgage or some way to buy an apartment, we can't really afford. Well, we can, but I'm used to a certain lifestyle that I just can't sacrifice for a car. Going out, eating out, shopping... I like it, I don't want to give it up. I enjoy being careless about the money.

So I made a wish to get a new car, well, if not for free, then for a really-really good price! And what do you know, the next day Dima called me and said that in the parking lot, right next to his car he saw a nice jeepy car (in Russia any big car is called a jeep, I don't know what difference it makes...) and it's less than 11 000 dollars! Which is twice as little as we intended to spend on a car. Cars of that sort start at about 20 000... He called that guy, and that person needs to leave as soon as possible, so he has like three days to sell the car, that's why he kept lowering the price. He actually gave us another 1000 bucks off.

The first thing that comes to mind is why in the world it's so cheap... Well, questions and doubts are the reason wishes do not come true, so I guess the real reason is that I made a wish and I got what I had wanted. If we sell our old car now, it will be like we got the car of our dreams almost for free. Just like I wanted! Dima's friend is in vehicle regualtions business so he checked all the documents and police information on the car, it's all in good condition.

The guy who sold it is like this nerdy family guy, he seems a bit lost, I guess he really has to sell his car ASAP. Well I believe that what goes around comes around and one day he'll have his dream come true too. I'm not very good when it comes to vehicles. I just look at the color. By the way the color was exactly like I had imagined it. Another cool thing that I noticed is that it's not too high off the ground like many jeeps, so if I have a short skirt on, I won't have to do a split to get into the car.

Wooo!!! I'm so excited!

Is it ok that these are not behind the cut thing? I kinda forgot how to do that stuff so I didn't bother.



This is me and my dog Happy at our favorite cafe. I take Happy along with me, she goes into my purse and she makes people happy, that's what cute doggies do to people!


She's 3 years old.


This is my wedding. The day was so sunny and hot, we were happy we had chosen to avoid the traditional long multi-skirt dress for me and classic suit for Dima.



Perfect couple, huh?



I am living proof that happiness makes people beautiful :)))) I had the dress made by the lady who makes costumes for our show and decorated it with beads myself, so it's all hand-made! Ok, just one more wedding pic...



That's supposed to be the bride room, Dima was supposed to be in the groom's room before the ceremony, but I figured it was stupid to pretend we arrived to the ceremony separately, so he sneaked into the bride's room and the photographer was taking pictures, he was a bit too conservative and wouldn't let me put my legs up on the couch, so we had to kick him out and take our own pictures. I had the bridesmaids do the job.

this is exactly one year after the wedding, a month ago, we decided to go to the seashore to celebrate our first anniversary and found this baby puppy... I guess the puppy was our anniversary gift from the Universe, because he did manage to resolve many of our conflicts that used to disturb our marriage somewhat, but I'll write about that later

I get to pick music for my solo piece! That's very very exciting. We have two dance pieces pretty much ready, only in 4 days! One more is half-way done, but I'm not in it. The first piece we did was "sex machine", which is a very old song done by one of the first Russian rappers in the post-soviet times, it was re-recorded and it's like a retro thing with a bit of parody. Then we have a duet with me and another girl where we staged a conflict between waitress and client, so it's mostly acting, then it turns into a lesbian love sort of thing (I work at a night club, that's why we have the sex theme) with acrobatics on the table and the chair, gonna look very cool. Next is based on an old Soviet movie, I haven't seen it, but most Russian people know it well, and the girls are dressed like the main characters, and it's pretty funny too.

Then we'll probably have some cabaret-type with feathers and rhinestones and glittery costumes, and something slow romantic, two solo pieces, and they promised and cool dance with huge red fabric blown by a fan at the back of the stage and we'll be like swimming in that fabric, it's gonna be something dramatic. And then the management requested a dance piece stage to Madonna's Give It To Me.

Usually a show has 5 dance pieces, last year we did 7 and this year they said they'll stage ten, so we can mix and match.

It's ironic how I act all sexy at the rehearsals, but at the end of the day I come home so tired, I really have no energy left for real sex!

Anyway, I've copied some files on the flash drive to take to the show director. It has Mercy by Duffy and Labels or Love by Fergie from Sex in The City soundtrack, Tears From The Moon by Sinead O'Connor, Lapdance by n.e.r.d., Crazy by Alanis Morisette, um, something else, I forgot...

The thing is, the management never allowed solo pieces in the past, so I hope the time I spent on this won't be wasted!

My husband is so wonderful and caring. He cleaned tonight, because I was so tired, I spent the evening in horizontal positions, helped me keep balance when I tried some old acrobatic thingies I used to do in the past, walked the dogs, kissed me good night. Aww, he's so nice, I absolutely adore him!

Today was so hot!!! I tried my best to get the most of today's sunshine. Generally I was such a cool person today :)

I got up early to play and walk with the dogs, got some meat for the soup and cooked lunch for my husband, even though couldn't stay to have lunch with him, because I had to be at work at noon. So I wore the swimming suit top and shorty shorts and walked to work... My body has something like sun-charge batteries, I get so much energy from being in the sun!

The rehearsal was 6-hours long, but I enjoyed every minute of it, I'm so excited about being the soloist that I think I have some hidden resources opening up in me.

Then I went to the football practice with Dima, we took the puppy with us. I laid a sleeping bag on the grass by the football field and tried to sleep in the sunshine, but the puppy wanted to play, so I eventually got up and run around with him, did some training and playing in the soft clover leafs.

I have this little dream of finding a four-leaf clover, so whenever I find a clover field I start searching, but haven't found anything so far. But I'm sure I will.

Then we drove to the night club where my friend Sonya used to work, on Mondays they have movie nights with free entrance and movies shown on big screens. They have lovely soft couches and you can order drinks and food while watching the movie, it's so much more comfortable than a movie theatre!

Finally got home and I was so tired! It was a wonderful happy day and I'm looking forward to tomorrow, because I'm sure it'll be wonderful as well!

I'm so happy I get to be the "centerpiece" for the dance we're staging!!! But hey, I'm good, plus my age actually makes me a better dancer. I used to think that most dancing happens in your early twenties and then you slowly start to get too old for that, your body wears out and your looks deteriorate or something like that... Well, I guess it is quite the opposite!

I wish every person in the world would have a job that they'd look forward to the next day. When I was in high school, I read a book named "Mondays start on Saturdays"... It was about a science lab that dealt with magic, and working there was so interesting and exciting, that the people who worked there would start doing they Monday tasks on Saturdays, because they just couldn't wait till Monday to get back to work. Well, my job is like that. And I'm not really a workaholic, mostly I have a housewife lifestyle, sleeping in, cooking lunches for my hubby, going shopping with my lovely friend Sonya, lucky enough she's a successfully married ex-dancer as well, she no longer needs to have a job, so every day is like a weekend day. But I'm still pretty crazy about my job...

Which brings about certain problems. A good example was last night. After the show, my show girls decided to stay in the club to hang out and dance (social dancing, not stage dancing implied), my pretty Sonya and another girl we used to work with came from Moscow for a summer vacation, so I really wanted to see them both, they went to another club, and my beloved husband wanted to stay at home, so I was thinking hard how to spend time with them all. Going from place to place, trying to spend quality time in three different directions (my husband eventually came to our club, but he's not allowed to be in the dressing room backstage where all my girls were, so I was running back and forth...

Then we had a conversation about having a baby, since we stopped using birth control and it's kinda cool actually, but then I get scared because I realize I'm not ready to get pregnant, I want to dance, I want to be in the new show, I want my body to stay the way it is, I've even suggested we go topless in the new show. Not a lot, but just show a little bit more, we get a raise and I believe club shows need to be on the erotic side, it matches the whole club scene and atmosphere. I've watched the topless show that our show director staged in Moscow, and I feel in love with it, it was so beautiful, not the pornographic type topless, it was absolutely magical... Other girls don't approve, they say their boyfriends wouldn't like that... Luckily, my husband would simply support any decision I make, he would never judge me for crossing some boundaries. I was just a little sad to disappoint him about the baby plans, because he tells me he can't wait to have kids... *sigh* ah, that's too bad men can't have babies...

The show director from last year came to stage a new show that will premier on New Year's night and then run in 2009. We start preparing it in the summer. I had to take time off on my teaching job, so I can be available for all the rehearsals... I was waiting for it, really-really waiting... We have one vacation - two weeks in the end of June, but during the vacation I just can't wait for it to end soon, because after the vacation we start making the new show, which is an exciting experience.

Out show director is a former clown/acrobat/dancer, he always works together with his wife, she's his assistant, costume designer, she always travels with him and they are such a fun couple! It IS hard to rehearse for hours every day, it's quite physically exhausting, but working with amazing people is a perfect source of strength and inspiration.

I'm kind of worried about how it may affect my family life, because I get so focused on the job... Last year when they came over I got so carried away, I totally forgot the day we had our 1-st month wedding monthy-versary, my cell-phone battery died and I came home late at night, my husband was already sleeping and upset, there was a cake in the fridge, he got me a gift and was waiting for me all evening long, and I totally forgot... I felt so bad.

This time I get the same "torn" feeling, I wanna be at work and I wanna be with my husband... Wish he could work in the show with me :)) That would be so perfect!

It's been more than a year since my wedding, and I still can't get over it, is that normal? In fact I suggested that we have another one. Because you just can't fit all of your dreams into only one wedding. Some women find a way - they get married over and over. I figured we should get a divorce and have another wedding. Or maybe have the second wedding in a church... If the church people don't mind that I'm sort of an agnostic kind of person, so I don't really care what kind of church we attend.

In Russia, church weddings are not official, the priest can't really pronounce you husband and wife, but many people believe that church weddings are the REAL weddings, and it's only when you're sure it's for the rest of your life, because you cannot get re-married in a church. My friend got married last summer too, they were not allowed to have a ceremony in a church because her husband had been married already, so in the church world he's still married to his ex-wife... Go figure those church rules...

Orthodox churches are weird. I have a friend, she teaches at a sunday school in a catholic church, which I think is the only catholic church on the island. Maybe I should ask her if she could arrange something... The orthodox church wouldn't take us because we're not christened and my friends probably wouldn't want to go there, their traditions are just heavy, hours of service, standing up, head covered, I don't know what else, but it's a lot of requirements. The best man and best maid have to stand with the groom and the bride for and hour or two and hold heavy crowns above their heads the whole time... I would never ask my good friend to do that for me, it's just not a good thing to ask I think :)) Catholic churches are supposed to be less ceremony-crazy.

Yesterday I downloaded software that allows you to design and order a hard-cover book-like photo-album, and I did a 40-page wedding album and I want to make another one about my dogs. And I still buy wedding magazines and visit wedding web-sites, I guess I must have another wedding. And the second time I want to make it a bit more traditional, have a long dress, take a few months to prepare, and do it without the parents, in fact maybe not invite parents at all, and have a small cozy reception, just good friends and none of the people I don't know very well... and this time I want to have a real wedding ring, because I broke my first ring when we had an argument with my husband.

In fact, when we went to the family counselor, she told us how a lot of small things we keep in the back of our minds actually play a big role in our relationships. For example, if I wanted a second wedding, I unconsciously sabotaged the relationship to cause divorce... So now I'm thinking of how I can fit it all together...

When the puppy goes to sleep, I feel like I'm finally gonna get some rest, but after he's been asleep for an hour, I feel like going and waking him up because I want to play already! And he's so cute when he's sleeping that I just can't resist coming over and kissing him till he wakes up! And he gets all grumpy, he's not the lap dog type, he's wild sort of dog, not into lovie-dovie kind of stuff that mommy likes, so I leave him alone and let him sleep, because when he finally wakes up, it's gonna get all crazy again!

I told him about the phone and he wasn't mad at all, he said it even was a good thing I looked there, because he forgot he had those messages and he wanted to make sure he deleted them all. We even kinda went together through the messages discussing them and then he deleted everything. Those messages sounded like a cry for help, quite desperate in the most negative way... Stuff like "No matter what you say, I'll always be yours, no matter who I'm with, I'll never let you go."

The thing is that it's obvious that she can't let go. Whenever we go out, she's always at the club. Not only that she starts to hang out right in front of our noses. My husband tells me, she's trying very hard to show us she's having a good time. She'd make out with one guy and then another... I think I've seen her making out with like 30 different guys in the last couple of months. I've found two ways to deal with her. One is to sit and stare at whatever she's doing. She feels it and starts to act, but then gets tired and walks out of my field of vision. The better way is to get distracted. Then I don't know how, but she just disappears. That's our relationship ghost. MY ghost to be exact, because I guess my husband is all the way over, I'm the one who's still hanging on the memories...

Still couldn't find the card reader. Our apartment is like a small Bermuda Triangle, where things disappear without trace... My husband's camera... Searched everywhere. Just disappeared!

On a lighter note. I had this 12 year old girl attending my dance classes, she's really talented! She called me couple of days ago to tell that her family is moving to Australia and she can't come to class anymore, she just wanted to say thank you and that she like my classes a lot. Then her parents came yesterday and they also said they wanted to thank me because I've been a very good influence! Ah, that's the stuff that makes my life and work truly worthy! Some of my students leave and they always tell me how much they enjoyed coming to my classes and those thank you words are the most wonderful words, better than any money! Yeah, I'm the best!

I guess I no longer own my own home!!!!! The puppy broke my coffee cup, all the coffee, wonderfully sticky sweet, covered the floor, laptop cables, the speakers and whatever else was there, soaked under the bed and as I was cleaning the mess, I realized my card reader borrowed from my mother-in-law was missing... Just this afternoon it was there... I guess... I hope the pup didn't eat it. My husband handed it to me saying "make sure the dogs don't get this one"!!! The whole reason why I had to get the card reader is because the puppy chewed on my camera cable and it was no longer usable. Argh! Now I can't find the card reader...

The new puppy book tells not to get mad at puppies and used distraction instead of punishment, but this time I was so... um... overboard...

And this morning was a bit crazy. Husband forgot his cell phone at home and I did the famous female bad-bad-bad thing that I've only done once in my life before and promissed that I'd never do it again, but it's so hard to resist and the curiosity is one of the most powerful things in the world... So I did find some messages I was hoping I wouldn't find. I'm pretty sure he just forgot he had them saved, because they are from a long time ago, but still... an unpleasant reminder :( messages from his ex... he got rid of her gifts, he deleted the phone numbers and everything and all of it was quite a while ago, I was absolutely certain I won't find anything of that sort on the cell phone. The rest of the saved messages were the ones from me and the little poems he used to send to me... I do hope that he just forgot to delete those messages.

The problem is that to ask the question I would have to admit that I broke the promise and got into his cell phone... On the other hand, oh well, he knows I'm that curious, at least I'm honest about it...

Finally, if anyone who used to read me on blurty years ago gets to read this, I missed you actually... I just had confusing life-changing weird times, but I guess I'm back...

Woo! I danced yesterday! I needed to, really, I was in a very dancy mood. One girl didn't show up, she'll probably be fired. They've decided to enforce discipline: If you're late three times or don't show up once, you get a warning, if you get three warinings, you get fired. I filled out the job application last night (this morning to be exact, because it was after the performance).

If all my documents are Ok and they don't have a problem with my current job, it'll probably become a routine experience for me, but for now this is all very exciting and memorable. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, except one guy tried to follow the stripper as she was on her way back to the dressing room. Little Yana, the choreographer who kicks ass, just threw herself at him to push him outside. Today she's going to talk to the manager to ensure a security guard at the stage entrance. They are pretty good with security overall. For example, when they take us home, they have security guards accompany us to the apartment door. I thought that was sweet. :)

As I said, I don't have stage fright. One things is I tend to look at the floor when rehearsing, and that was the only thing to worry me. Yet, once I actualy saw the audiences faces in front of me, it was easy, I was all smiling and shining. Yana said I did a little too much ballet, but overall it was great and they are looking forward to have me as a permanent dance group member!

Sleep... Well, who needs sleep?

Ok, yeah, I do.
:)

I'm just gonna bring my blankie and sleep on the dressing room couch in between the dance pieces.
:))
That was a joke. I don't know when I'm going to sleep. That's the tough part.

I went to see Lost in Translation with my sister. I really really enjoyed it, I was surprised to hear most of the audience go: “That was SO BORING!” I didn’t think it was boring at all… Actually I wish it was in English, I know how things get lost in translation :) I used to be an interpreter. The microphones thing – didn’t understand that… Were they just trying to be original, or was there a real purpose?

It’s really fun to be in a foreign country and not speak the language, you should really try that. It reverses something in your head, in a good sense I mean, and you learn to just open up yourself to try to understand what’s going on, it’s amazing.

In the summer 2000 I was going to Russia for a month, for vacation, and I got spend a day in Seoul, all by myself. I didn’t have much money, not enough to get a hotel room, I just wondered there all day and all night, it was so unbelievable. I was there earlier, when we went on a school trip, but I was with the teachers and the guide and my classmates. Being there alone is totally different.

Mostly I went shopping, and when you go through the multitude of little stores in their tiny streets, you discover two things – first is that mostly they don’t have your size, because Korean women are very petite, and second is that you can get a cheaper price deal than what is initially asked. The magic word was “pissayo” I think it means “expensive” or something like that, you tell it to the sales person, and he lowers the price for you.

Another thing is suddenly being a racial minority. You feel too tall, too white, too blonde! That also reverses something in your mind. So many new things.

Then I got lost, had no idea how to get back to the airport, oops! How do I ask for directions? I don’t speak Korean! I tried to speak English, but people aren’t very good at it. Suddenly I spotted another white person and followed him in the crowd – he went down to the subway station and walked into the men’s bathroom, so I had to wait outside for him to come out. He was Canadian, worked as an English teacher, a very nice guy, he helped me get on the right bus and even asked if I had enough money with me or he’d pay for my bus ride. Meeting someone who speaks your language feels blissful and brings you closer with that person.

I intended to spend the night at the airport, because I spent all my travel money shopping, and didn’t have enough left for a hotel, but the airport got closed at midnight, so I had to leave. Uh-oh. It gets a little scary there at midnight. Luckily I wasn’t alone. There were two girls trying to get a cab and I asked if I could ride with them because I didn’t want to ride in the car alone. The two girls have just met and were in the same situation as me, so we decided to just go walking outside all together. One of them was from India, but she spoke English very well, and the other girl was from the US. This was one of the most memorable nights in my life. I can’t even describe it… I mean, people, you have to get out and go somewhere and see it for yourself if you possibly can, because it’s so amazing, it’ll be worth every penny you spend on it.